I knew it all along....

2:39:00 AM

Mujhe Khabar Thi Woh Mera Nahin Paraya Tha
Par Dhadkano Ne Ussi Ko Khuda Banaya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha

God i miss you so much today ... today i should be happy .... i got my first salary ... so shouldn't that make me happy ?? No it didn't .... coz with the salary check in my hand ... i was so freaking low ... all the memories all the past just came infront of me ... the promises, the insane gift list ... the to do list and stuff .... etc just all crappy shitty things which meant alot to me .... ha i just realised ... i just called it my past ... actually these are your words of calling our relationship ... and yeah i know am whining about things which don't even matter to you ....

PER I'LL ALWAYS REMAIN THE SAME EMO UBAID .... i forgive u for everything....

eeehh i can't get this gazal out of my head ..... mujhey khabar thi by lata ...

Mei Khwaaab Khwaab Jisse Dhoondh Tah Fira Barso
Who Ashk Ashk Meri Aankh Mei Samaya Tha
Par Dhadkano Ne Ussi Ko Khuda Banaya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha

Yes i knew it very well ... that u aren't mine !! u never were ... it was all just fake hopes which i made the part of my life ... why do people hope ? what am i saying pata nahi yaar ... am just in a really crappy mood ... came back home ... gave the packet of money to mom ... i thought she would be happy ... but there was some strange feeling in between us ... their was dead silence ... i don't know i think she felt what i was feeling ... and just patted on my head ... and turned away ... yaar i wanted to make her happy ... freaking WHY COULDN'T I MAKE HER HAPPY !!

kya main itna bura houn ?? yes i am .... why aren't u here ?? why aren't u with me ?? why am i so irritated, frustrated.. agitated ... so NOT ME ... what the hell is wrong with me ... why can't i stop missing you ... why can't i stop loving you ?? why can't i be normal ... why do i have to sound like a retard .....

Tera Kasoor Nahin Jaan Meri Tanhaiii
Yeh Rog Maine Hi… haa... sirf mainey hi..... =(
Yeh Rog Maine Hi Khud Jaan Ko Lagaya Tha
Par Dhadkano Ne Ussi Ko Khuda Banaya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha

Its not your fault yaar !! it was destined ... all the things which happened were destined... it's written on the palm of my hand to be alone to suffer ... and to die alone .... yes life is too long ... and i should be positive about it ... but the fact remains ... YOU ARE STILL MY WORLD ... and my emotions and heart beats just revolve around you !!

Middle of the night, But no sign of sleep, want to cry, want to relax. I want so very much a nice deep sleep, but for some reason it continues to elude me. My bed, my pillows they call to me, but even though I lay there for so long staring at the ceiling, in the darkened room no matter how I try I just can't sleep... i keep on remembering you !! i keep on missing you ...

Tamaam Sheher Mei Ik Woh Hai Ajnabi Mujhse
Ke Jisne Geet Mera Shehar Ko Sunaya Tha
Par Dhadkano Ne Ussi Ko Khuda Banaya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha

My love is infinity even all the eternity, wouldn't be able to keep up with this overflowing feelings.... yaar i wonder if your love to me, is everlasting, neverchanging, infinity too? I wonder if even you love me or not ... I JUST WONDER ....

I blow my tears into smoke, i wish i could dissapear in thin air, i really wish this... I want to run away, run away from everything that couldn't love me, couldn't love like i loved them, "THEM" who they are isn't important, just like i am not for them... and yes i know i ain't important for them .... I did what i could, but i guess its fate... AM DESTINED TO SUFFER... DESTINED TO NOT GET LOVE IN RETURN OF LOVE ..... I'm tired, tired for looking for comfort... I changed everything i could, but it was never enough... Maybe the way i think is wrong, maybe the things i love is wrong, maybe my cause, my existance is wrong!

MY EXISTANCE IS WRONG ....

Mujhe Khabar Thi Woh Mera Nahin Paraya Tha
Par Dhadkano Ne Ussi Ko Khuda Banaya Tha
Mujhe Khabar Thi Who Mera Nahin Paraya Tha.......

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3 Comments

  1. Ab zaalim tum ho! Yehi ghazal mili thi?! ='(
    Firstly, Mubarakaan on the salary =) Ayaashi kero, yar.
    Secondly... sabar kero. Hold on to yourself and your sanity. And pray. InshAllah, things will get better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congrats on the salary. =D
    Don't retune your brain.
    Just tune it. =P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats on your first pay!

    And things WILL fall into place, maybe late, but they WILL. It's a fact. There are phases in life, sadness and happiness, sometimes one phase is longer than the other but it too passes.

    So just keep your hopes up.

    ReplyDelete

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