2:55:00 AM

see am so freaking confused !! what the hell is wrong with me i say am fine in one post and in a while i say that am freaking missing her and crying like a stupid idiotic dumb not so human piece of garbage... i have carried the fake world in my incoherant thoughts for so long that i can't even realise whats real and whats not... ICANTBE HONESTWITHMYOWNSELFEVENWHENIAMWRITTING !!!

am i really fine ?? or do i pretend... everything is twisted.... i think i am in pain... but you don't know pain until your soul has been ripped from your body, until your heart has been wrenched from your chest, until your eyes have been dragged from your face, until your flesh has been torn from your bones, until your organs have been cut from your torso, until your blood has been sucked from your body, until your teeth have been plucked from your jaw, until the maggots burrow into your skin, until the dirt squeezes the air from your lungs, until the voice is gone from your throat (ok this is one twisted thought) ...hmmm *thinking* i guess i really am in pain because i haven't stopped SCREAMING since she left, since i died on the inside, since i took my own life, since i was kicked out from her heart and was buried in the cold walls of my own shattered heart, SINCE IT ENDED... so i guess i am in pain...



i need to focus... i need a life... i need to sleep i need some rest !! I NEED TO BE FREE !! I NEED TO FEEL FREE .... i know my goals... but no way leading to it ... i am focused yet the word focus is so blur itself !! aaahhhh UBAID SNAP OUT !! this all is just a bad dream... when u wake up everything would be back to normal ... UBAID COME ON YAAR SNAP OUT !! tommorow starts a new day ... u have to smile yaar ... u have to be good to others... you have to sparkle in the light of the rising sun, u have to live life tommorow... yet by killing your own true self .... UBAID SNAP OUT YAAR !! BACHA KUCH NAHI HUAA !!! YOU ARE FINEE !! YOU ARE HAPPYY !!


and u have to survive ... as there is a long path ahead which u not only have to follow !! U HAVE TO LEAD IT !! u have to be the master of ur own self u have to control your own destiny ... u have to keep your hopes high ... she would be waiting at the end of the path for u !! u are not alone... i am with you, your only friend, your guiding star !! I AM WITH U !! and nobody can kill me coz i am a part of you !! All the words in the world put together formed somehow in a million stories can't change the fact that I'm still here.... Nobody can make u weak yaar !! coz you call urself a dream, the one yet to be realized, because you call yourself an idea, the one yet to be visualized, coz you still think that there is Hope, coz within you lives ME... yaar i live within you, bleeding but still alive... and don't worry am healing these wounds of mine !! i know you'll survive coz you still call yourself a dream. . .

Chalo ab uthoo go and sleep !! MAN U NEED SOME REST !! chalo shabash !! go and take some rest !! as with the rising sun u'll have to be again up on your feet !! chalo close the pc... and sleep !! EVERYTHING WILL BE OK !! AND EVENTUALLY U'LL GET HAPPINESS !! inshallah u'll get hapiness !! *HOPE REMAINS*

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  1. ...ubeee.

    dont let the feeling overwhelm you..i have nothing else to say, because i cant even begin to understand how conflicted you feel.

    look after yourself,..get well soon :)


  3. hmmm why did u write ' cold heart walls of my shattered heart' i thought love melts the heart and nourishes it with warmth and richness.

  4. @eeda
    am pretty much better now larkii !! so don't u worry =) !!

  5. @sehr
    fankzz for the prayers...

    and yeah its just that sometimes u do get low ... i was suppose to be on the right track... but yet fell ... now standing back ... so i hope i completely come back to my senses soon =) !!


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