3rd May 1989 - Existence

9:09:00 PM

Name: Ubaid Ullah Ahmed
DOB: 3rd may 1989
Astrological Sign: Taurus
Zodiac Year: Snake
Place Born: Lahore, Pakistan
Favorite Place lived: Riyadh, Saudia Arabia
Favorite food: Chinese
Studying: ACCA + Giving Alevel exams
Hobbies: Photo-manipulation, photography, writing, drawing, listening to music, chatting, creating art pieces, stain glassing.


Like other I am a part of a plan. . . And it's already written. . . There is no other way. . . It's inside our every sense. . .


and who am i kidding ? I am nothing, nothing that i should be proud of, nothing which would be worth anything in this world, Everybody does have an existence, i do exist, i do belong to this world. YET my existence doesn't matter, I want to run away, Run away from everything that couldn't love me, Couldn't love like i loved them, "THEM" who they are isn't important, Just like i am not for them, I did what i could, but i guess its fate, I'm tired, Tired for looking for comfort, I changed everything i could, But it was never enough, Maybe the way i think is wrong, Maybe the things i love is wrong, Maybe my cause, My existence is wrong! And the reason is not only love... i know what i say, i know what i feel, love does change everything yes it did, it actually did change me, but thats not the only thing which matters, i am not depressed, i am not happy either, i am content ! gosh i don't even know what it means, what state i am in, what i am thinking, the only thing i know, the only thing i want, the only thing which i desire with the core of my heart is LOVE and PEACE... I do deserve some love, do i ? is there any requirement to get some love from others ? i think there isn't. I haven't done anything wrong with others nor i wish to do anything wrong ! per why don't they think alike ? NO I AM NOT GOD, no i am an ANGEL but yes i can proudly say i ain't a bad guy !! SERIOUSLY I AIN'T A BAD GUY ! atleast i can't see that am bad ...


Tu apni sheesha-giri ka hunar na kar zaaya
Main aayina houn mujhay tootnay ki adat hai

Sunday 3rd may, i'll be 20 ... a big number, my teenage would be finally over, yes its said your age is what you belive, but am not like getting freaking old ... burha nahi ho raha ! BUT yes 20 is like a turning point, sitting in my room, listening to Halleujah by arooj aftab, writing this on my blog does make me think what have i achieved till now ? All i could think is that I'm lost on endless roads and twisted mazes. I'm running and I'm not sure where to. i even cant remember where i started from. The journey was long and I'm still wondering how it was...

I stopped for a while at a pond for a sip of the essence of the moment but i was afraid of loosing what i was chasing, though i hadn't even seen more than just a silhouette of it disappearing around the corner...

So i started off again. After just a quick glance at my reflection, i was back on the road, running, out of breath but still running.

Yes i know for most of the people in my life, and also reading it doesn't make any sense ! but its the truth ! What have i done am 20 , i am giving my alevels exams this year in business, accounting, urdu... after just preparing for like 2 months.... just in part 2 of acca, know photomanipulation, have my own 3 websites which i made for others, i know how to cook, BUT YET NONE OF THIS IS ANY GOOD !! it didn't prove me that am the right choice for you ... well here i go again whining about what has past !! WELL !! i need to change my self 20 years are alot... its the time where i should stand up for my own self, enough of letting my self die in the bottomless pits of emotions and love.... waisey who am i kidding the only birthday wish i have, the only thing which i want is, THAT FOR HER TO WISH ME, my wish just that she remembers my birthday, and just wishes me, gives me a call ... and wow does that make me go out of all this negativity no indeed !!

khair am happy that atleast i do exist for my Mom, thats the only thing which i am left with yet i am so happy that i still do exist for her, i am happy that am her only hope which can bring happiness, i am the only light for her in the times of this darkness YET AM HAPPY !! The wind does feels as if it's cutting through me. . . Cutting through me and pulling out everything... everything that is inside of me. . . Inside, in the corner from the world, hidden. . . Hidden away so no one could see. . . See what i really hold. . . Hold behind my smile. . .A smile just to show that i am strong. . . Still strong after the long fight. . . The fight against fate. . . The fate to which i had once give up to. . . Given up to cause i thought it won't strike again. . . Won't Strike again cause once was enough. . . Enough for eternity. . .Eternity seems a short time for the marks to heal. . .Healing of which can only be done by solitude. . . Solitude? Oh I'm so sick of it. . . Sick? Can't be, cause . . . . It i guess is my fate. . . . . . . . .

Time does heal, yet the scar remains..... Khair i am what i am....An excitement of a new found friend, Yet a regret when it comes to an end.... A whisper without meaning, The promise that isn't worth keeping.... A tear without weeping, A guardian whilst you are sleeping... A thorn without a rose, The invisible ink when writing prose, A poison without an antidote, A lost preacher without any hope....


So this is me
Ubaid Ullah Ahmed
And this is my existence


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15 Comments

  1. Gawd!!i luvd the last para ubeee
    "Time does heal, yet the scar remains..... Khair i am what i am....An excitement of a new found friend, Yet a regret when it comes to an end.... A whisper without meaning, The promise that isn't worth keeping.... A tear without weeping, A guardian whilst you are sleeping... A thorn without a rose, The invisible ink when writing prose, A poison without an antidote, A lost preacher without any hope...."
    You will b 20 after 24 hrs but if you come up with post like this it doesn't means at all that you were lost some where but in my eyes its shows that you came up with the new strength of mind, new identity, new courage to lead your life in a new way so you can save your self from losing again into those endless roads and mazes.
    Wish you lots of prosperity, peace, happiness and off course love for starting chapter number 20 of yours life's book…:)

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  2. oye oye
    post mein mein bhi itni EMO hogai k munday ki pic pe dehan he nahi diya

    aye haye
    kash!!! ye larka 89 k bajae 87 mein paida hota tu mein abhi tak single na hoti :P

    styloo00OOOoooo

    seems lyke u lost too much weight in the ghum of my absence:P

    waisye kitni purani haa ye pic aur kitna % photoshop ka haath haa iss mein :P

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  3. very deep i must say :] seems like u got lots of time on ur hand to think about these things, n of course u have time on ur hand u love ur solitude and hate it a the same time lol well i must say i know how u feel, about the solitude part... the rest i do understand it, and i know what u mean :]

    a chapter is startin in ur life motu, chapter 20 :] out of ur teenage years, but still even in ur teenage years u were more mature than other teenage guys, which is a good thing, trust me :] i know things didn't go the way they were suppose to, fate does have it's own trail, something we can only change if we really really tried, or mayb we can't change it at all, who knows .. but rite now ur startin a new chapter, so make it the best one frm the entire book of ur life :] live it up and don't let urself feel so down. u know as well as i do, for as long as i can, ill stand by u and support u through everything. but i don't want my motu to give up :] *hugz* hold on for a bit longer sweetie, i promise that after a while, mayb a bit longer than a while, but after a certain amount of time, everything will b fine and u will b happy :] <3

    p.s. i sound like a prof LOL :P

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  4. I don't wanna give you any false hope...but if you believe, she will call. And hey even if she doesn't, it wouldn't mean she forgot...maybe shes just hesistant. In any case...... its your birthday. Your day. Cheer up man! Everybody on this planet exist for a reason, life is much more complicated than just being or not being. I want you to embrace who you are, for yourself. Aur wise bhi you did say you're content...phir why so sad huh? Pagal.
    I hope you have a great day...despite knowing how badly both of us were not looking forward to it..I hope all your wishes come true. Just don't lose faith and keep believing =P.
    Happy 20th man!

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  5. Praa maay raa waadaa hoe gay yaa ...am proud of u putar and ur acheivements.....

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  6. :-)
    Happy Birthday!!

    Life isnt as bad as it seems. You are just starting your adulthood anyway :-)

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  7. ubaid seriously.... you are gonna be what? 20? and you think tou've seen enough of life..... i mean look at you! how long woul you keep hiding behind the expression of others.... the way you write.... you know it yourself.... its somebody else's way of expression.... the way you act.... i wonder at a lot of times... is that really you...? i dont think so.... always hiding behind a facade.... no personality of your own.... taken out chunks of the personalities that you idealize....ubaid YOU don't exist....make your own path insteadof following different trails....

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  8. tum jiyo hazaron saal ye meri hai aarzu
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ;)

    have fun growing up!

    you still have a longgggggggggggg way to go!

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  9. Happy birthday man. :D

    Life's not that bad. X)

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  10. AHEM AHEM......quoting without mentioning.....THAT is a crime kid!! even on your birthday that is still a crime!!

    PS Happy Bday!

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  11. @komal:
    passion for life... hmmm woh bhi aa hi jaye gaa and thanks !!

    gee gee ... i was going to advise you the same thing don't ruin everything just coz of a guy !!

    awww i didn't knew you love me soo much ;)

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  12. i wasn't talking about one particular person....i don't really know you... but the part that i do know is that i have always seen you give in to others' opinion of you.... i'm not saying this after reading your posts only.... the extent to which i know you, which, by the way, is limited.... i have never seen you being YOU....

    and i wasn't reffering to only him.... its very easy to quiet down your voice... anyway... the point is....... uh... forget it....
    as it's solely based on my observation, which is subjective...

    and as to you being rude with me?... don't worry about it.... you weren't rude....

    and kid... i do not doubt that you are wise.... but at times it does make a person wonder.....

    anyway.... you shouldn't let any strager's (mine) opinion bother you....as you said.... i don't really know you and my comments are only based on what, generally, i have seen in you... which may differ from who or what you really are...

    Regards!

    P.S. happy 20th!

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  13. Happy Birthday! May all your wishes come true! :)
    And kid you're just 20.. take a chill pill. :)

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  14. happy brday bro..stay blessed

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  15. Anonymous-AKA JAAT

    Mai taay raa praa...tu mai raa...kafee ninga ;)

    Pappaay kee zarur raat hay gee camplicated lafzan likhan dee.... lat me sum up...pappay tu hai..jo tu hai..jaaysss.. di vaja tu..tu oh hai ...joe kaay tenu duusraayan toa alaag banaanda hai...oh ik cheese hai..jaise dee vajan tu tu hai jo hai ....paapapy ! meri jaan :)

    "LAFZAN DE KHEL..TAY ALFAZAN DAY MEL"

    Kush raay abaad raay taay enjoy kaar....hareepa !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    MAAY RAAY WALOON
    ALLAH WAAYLAHI !!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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