=_=

10:02:00 PM

jalne ke baad shama aur bolti nahi, ummeed ab kahin koi dar kholti nahi.... I am tired, i really am. Tired of pretending, tired of being strong, tired of being a person who just has no life. Yes i don't have a life.... i don't know what to say ... i am loving PLS HURT ME MORE wali post...

fuck !! i can't express my fucking feelings right now .... feeling lonely, feeling that am a looser, feeling like ripping my skin apart from me, feel like doing every single thing which would hurt me !! i just want some peace, want some sleep, fucking sleeping pills aren't working anymore... I thought i had lots of people around me, lots of people there for me but i know the truth no one is there... no one is with me, no one can see the pain that i hide... They're happy for me to keep it inside, My fear is my own; they don't want to know, Why sould i involve them; why should it show.... THEY don't care... no body cares.... I have to live my whole life in confusion and fear, the need to feel something unbearably near, half of me is living, Half of me is already gone, and inside me i know what am doing is wrong, i know its fucking wrong... But the only thing's that can help, the thing's that may heal are the flame or the blade and the sting of the steel, the destruction of skin means the death of my soul, but there's nowhere to run when i know that am living alone... And when i know that am just a freaking retard !!

Hey angel it's not enough you've broken my heart, it's not enough you've ripped my soul in two... You want to tear my life apart, you want to pull my mind down, too... toh come do that too coz i freaking don't care ....

Brat you made me fall to pieces, you did... you nearly drowned me in my own tears, you made me cry, you made me bleed... You want to see my pain, my fears... toh am here standing right infront of you ... take a knife and stab it in my fucking heart....

Ashoo i know you have to leave ... you have to go away... i knew this since a long time but i was living in the hope that it won't happen that day won't come ! But go !! GO AWAY JUST GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE !!

NimzZz bacha i know none of this is your fault its just me who is a fucking looser and a retard.... but am tired .... tired to see you get hurt every moment you face him, tired to see you kill your own self with the emotions of him getting near to someone else.... i can't see this anymore ....

Fati... I don't exist in your life .... i know this thing .... i die or not you don't care... nor do i ..... I am a looser and you have to admit this... and this isn't wrong i am a stranger for you, and you being like this is so perfect as it is.... waisey bhi you are perfectly fine so pls stay away i have ruined many things even though i like you alot i would never wanna ruin you =( .... i'll always pray for your happiness.... you did taught me that praying for others is best rather then for our own self (this paragraph has been edited when i was in a better state)


Jo Saans Le Rahi Hai, Har Taraf Woh Maut Hai.... Jo Chal Rahi Hai Sine Mein Woh Zindagi Nahi.... Har Ek Cheez Jal Rahi Hai, dil Mein Magar.... Andhera Badh Raha Hai, Kahi Roshani Nahi.... Jalane Ke Baad Shamaa Bolti Nahi.... Ummeed Kahi Koyi Dar Kholati Nahi .... I don't know .... i just want to be alone... neither i want to write anymore of my fucking life.... nor i wanna do anything else... i just want to sleep.... i really need to sleep :( !!

am tired.....

Sirf ek shakhs ki khatir mujhey barbad na ker......
...... Roz rotay huey kehti hai zindagi mujh sey .....


Hey MY FUCKING LIFE am bleeding right now ... come hurt me more !! Coz the pain i have at the moment is not enough to crash my soul, It's not enough to call me a fool, It's not enough to make me die.... In the end I will smile.... in the end i will smile....

Wafa ki laaj main usko mana laytay toh acha tha....
Aana ki jang main aksar judai jeet jaati hai....

I know for a fact that am wrong... and am being an egoistic ass hole what am writing is for me to understand no one can understand it .... i know... but the feeling of emptiness, feeling of loneliness... that is something which you know ... something which kills... Awaarapaan Banjarapaan... Ek Khala hai sine mai, har dam har pal bechaini hai, kaun bhala hai seene mai.... Jane yeh kaisi aag lagi hai is mai dhua na chingari hai, Ho na ho us par kahin koi khwaab jala hai seene mai.... Jis raste par tapta suraj sari raat nahi dhalta, Ishq ki aisi raha guzar ko hum ne chuna hai seene mai....

Hayee... Kahan kise ke liye hai mumkin sab ke liye ek sa hona, thoda sa dil mera bura hai... Thoda bhala hai seene mai... THORA BHALA HAI SEENAY MAIN ... :'( .... i am not that bad... i don't deserve all this... i want peace....

=_=
I WANT SOME PEACE

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23 Comments

  1. umm .. ill talk to u about this later on, i have read the whole thing tho, n i love that share about life n ruining it for one person .. this whole post is very deep n touchy, but im not gonna say a lot here. ill talk to u about it later

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well expressed and very very touch as each line spoke of a pain deep within . You have a way with words the depth of pain touched me .

    I will just say 'This too shall pass' ...

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  3. one minute at a time, then one hour and then one day.
    and it might be like that for a really long time, but it has to be done.

    don't want to say something cliche but hang in there :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ubaid, Tired of pretending, tired of being strong, tired of being a person who just has no life. Yes i don't have a life.... i don't know what to say ...

    i just echoed because i am on the same line as you but i sorta have started to hope a bit that hurt will somehow give me strength to endure ... it has a little over time.

    i have been expressive about it!
    but then if i quit hope. i quit faith! i cant lose God, not now not ever!

    ReplyDelete
  5. well ad hope is the only thing which is helping me survive....

    i hope everything would be fine =)

    chahay it takes a life time !!

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  6. I'm praying, inshaAllah they'll be good. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well yup scars just stay on sometimes a lifetime :)

    As the others ,well guess I empathise as I have some pain in me too. I just keep faith and trudge along :)

    Hope your pain gets better with time :) God Bless!!

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  8. Ubaid,

    don't inflict your sensitive heart with more pain, i know it's not easy to do it..cauze i know the intesity of losing a dear one, kitna tor deta hai...But life goes on...Every relationship teaches us something though it breaks u completely but we do bounce back with new hope and new faith...so go ahead n give a try cauze life is still beautiful inspite of the hurdles.

    hmmmmmm

    Jis meN kanTe bhi bicheN moR bhi har gaam pe aayeN
    Hum malaNgoN ki wohee raahguzar hoti hai

    "aarzoo"

    ReplyDelete
  9. is this about a girl? if it is stop hurting yourself over her srsly

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  10. I agree with what RidZ and nadia said. Trust me, us girls aren't all that anyway :)

    It's upsetting to read posts like this. Makes me wanna cry, and I've cried enough today!

    Sometimes you can be so pessimistic and other times you're so high it makes me smile because it reminds me of me.

    Please, please, pleeease stop crying over these girls. Acha nahin hai, Ubaid-ji. It's very very upsetting.

    Falak

    ReplyDelete
  11. @solitude:
    your shair said it all :)

    and yeah like i said before hope is the thing which is keeping me going on =)

    lolz my heart isn't that sensitive :p


    @nadia:
    not about A girl ... about my friends... and alot of girls :p

    ReplyDelete
  12. Parents care, they ALWAYS care, esp. Desi parents. We may feel that they don't care, magar they do care. Aur if they don't (which is highly impossible) then you become even stronger and you learn to live on your own. All you need is Allah, and faith that HE will get you out of this sorrow because he has a much better plan for you than that which you had for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Cried because it was the last day of school and after my exams I'll probably never see any of my friends again.

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  14. why did I bother? 8-l

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  15. @nadia:
    was just kidding ... i am just saying you can't let go of someone who has been with you for many years !!

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  16. stop thinking is exactly what I wanted to say :P

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  17. i kinda know what you mean now

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  18. i understand cuz i've been in a similar situation

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  19. yea it's reli sad, and the bad thing is I see him every day, he is some of my classes :-( how I would like to smack the crap outta him...

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  20. ugh god becuz he made me mad, OKAY? he hurt me and now he just... he made me mad OKAY? that 's why I want to smak him

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  21. yu can't b the judge of that
    anyways nevermind, I just hate him, end of this story ok?

    ReplyDelete
  22. lol
    glad it did, no more talk of that story ever again
    :-p

    ReplyDelete

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