Turning Away

9:18:00 AM

Dear Angel,

Socha nahi tha key taqdeer yahan laye gi, Key manzil itni haseen ho gi aur hum ko palatna parey gaa... sirf us manzil ki khushi key liye, us chahat key liye jo is dil main us manzil key liye hai, yeh toh mainey bhi nahi socha tha aanay sey pehley khushi laut jaye gi, mainey socha tha kya aur kya ho gaya.... manzil tum ho, per ha... tujh ko pana ek hasrat hi ban gayee, gee you are my destination, my eternal love, my everything... My sea, my moon, my sky, my whole universe.... Everything ever existed was to make me realise how much i love you .... Jaa rahan houn main aaj zamanay ko bata ker.... Tum toh janti ho key hasrat tumhi, zindagi tum hi, mayri her ek chahat tum hi ! Tum sey pyar kerna mayri kismat, aur tum ko kho daina mayra naseeb !! Main apnay dil ka izhar aaj tumhein her ek zaban main kerna chahta houn jo mail bol sakoun, kyunke shayad i am just saying it for the last time ! I am not going to forget you, i'll definitly miss you, per the thing which i am going to do is to give my life a chance... Give my heart another chance ... another chance to feel love... Yes i am foolish that i want to dive in this pool again... Per i really want to, coz i know that your regret loving me because you think you gave me pain, because you think you ruined my life, per i don't think like this .... Because if i knew that this would happen i still would go and love you because a single second spent with you is far more better then an eternity without you ! I know am stupid... i talk alot... but atleast you know that am yours...


Its strange naah how we both love each other after even being seperated .... yeah i call it our seperated union, yes we are seperated yet connected ... i always said that i am not breathing the same air you're inhaling, But I know one thing for sure; You're the air I'm breathing, You are my life... but now i think time has come for me to breathe the air in which you don't exist, ab tayri yadoun ko mehmaan main bana loun gaa, jab bhi aaye gi tayri yaad main kuch mehfilain sajha loun gaa.... Un key aanay un key janay ko rafta rafta koi adat si haan main toh bana loun gaa .... Kyunkey yaad toh tum zaroor aao gi ... aur main janta houn jitna marzi main is baat ko jhutla loun it would be just a lie... Because you also know it well that there are some short and sweet memories which will keep me realising our past, infact our beautiful past, the love we had, the love we still have, jo is zalim duniya key zulm key neechay dab gaya hai aur is mashray ki naa insafiyoun ki wajah sey is zamanay sey chup ker reh gaya hai !! Haan janta houn Aap soch rahi ho gi, key aaj mujhey kya ho gaya kyun aisi batein ker rahan houn... Hua kuch nahi per saroun ki baat sahi hai, your love is holding me back, a friend of mine said that nobody loves a person who is in grief and to tell you the truth now i want some love, i don't know what i am asking is right or wrong... Per i am asking my self to live another life, i dare my self to move on, everybody's watching me now, everybody is waiting for me now that what would happen next? So i am daring my own heart and soul to lift myself up off the floor... I think i have become this strong to say that i don't need a hand to get on my feet i just need a will and well that i have...

Ek mazay ki baat bataoun .... mujhey apni samajh nahi aati sometimes am so willing to move on other times my mood swings take over me... and i am like suffering like anything... Pata kya log mujhey kehtay hai key waqt marham hai tayra zakhm bhi woh bhar dey gaa bin tayray jinay key laik wo mujhey ker day gaa... Phir nayee rastay day gaa woh mayray kadmoun ko phir mujhey laut ker aanay kaa koi dar day gaa... haan sahi kehtay hain woh shayad, per mujhey kabhi kabhar toh sirf tayri hi talab hoti hai tayri hi chahat hoti hai ... Per aaj main apnay aap sey wada kerta houn key i'll be more happy, haan jab aap ki yaad aaye gi toh shayad main kuch likh loun per woh aap key baray main nahi ho gaaa... it would be just random thoughts in shape of words... Per ab tumhari yadoun ka sirf mujh sey taluk ho gaa mayri zindagi aur mayray sey taluk rekhnay walay us gham ko nahi sahien gain .... They would see you buddy, your happy wali jaan !! Which you like the best :) ... Pata nahi how you are, i talked to you few days back dil toh kerta hai key roz hi baat keroun per ab nahi :)... Haan when ever you need me i'll be there for you angel !! I'LL-BE-ALWAYS-THERE-FOR-YOU ...... So bear some more time by just listening to my heart beats in shape of words.... I know i am keeping on saying goodbye, giving you my back, with a fake smile on my lips, i know i have simply emptied the brown eyes you see through me. I know angel i'll just keep on saying goodbye, but this time its for real... i know i am waiting for you to chase me back, wanting your arms to wrap me through even knowing how hot it is, wanting your warmth melting my freezing heart.... I know per phir bhi i am saying good bye because you're too nice, and I know it isn't your personality to chase me by, you do love me, yeah, you said I'm your life, but honey you're too timid yourself, we aren't that perfect of a puzzle pieces that match, but we do match, because we're one type. We're both timid, thinking lowly of ourselves, though in some cases we bring dignity and praise to lift up our own chin to go back on track.... aur hum ker bhi kya saktay hain yaar because even when I know you're not coming after me, I'll keep on saying goodbye.... Nahi i now remember today its different.... And now i have to whisper you goodbye, to my own hearing, my own surroundings, coz i have to be strong but don't worry my love, I'll be there, when you need me by, and i'll be happy ... Let it happen now... Yea, you can turn around, Away from my sight, Away from my reach.

We both know we'll survive without each other,
We both know nothing'll change even without each other.

Just like now,
I'm not by your side.
Nor you too,
Aren't by my side.

We're both still breathing, aren't we?

We're not suffocating!

I'm fine,
There's nothing but emptiness in my eyes.
Nothing bad you'd see,
Nothing good that you'd see.

I'm just balanced.

Isn't that good enough for you?

So you can turn away now,
Walk away from me,
Your back facing me.
I'll turn my back once you do that too,
So we'll be both fine,
Acting like strangers just like now.....

Acting like stangers just like now !! And knowing the fact that we both love each other but we have to depart way just for each other, just for the happiness of your family, and now even for our own happiness which we have to develope without each other ..... Pyar kabhi, marta nahi... hum tum martay hain, hotay hain woh, log amar, pyar jo kertay hain, jitni ada utni wafa, ek nazar pyar sey tum dekh lo toh phir sey mayray jazbaat ko zinda ker day.... But somehow i don't wish that to happen anymore... So let me say it one last time may be one last time loudly.....

I LOVE YOU ANGEL !!!

ok now its done....

I guess am ready !!

Ready to move on...
Ready to be embraced by someone who truly loves me....
Ready to know that what has happened and how i should live it....
Ready for the fact that we have to live without each other and woh bhi happy...
Ready for lifting my self up from the ground....
Finally Ready to TURN AWAY !!

Yes am ready to TURN AWAY NOW !! .....

Lets see where destiny leads me.... and i know it won't lead to you .... but i have faith that i'll get something good out of it ........


Not Yours anymore,
Ubaid

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8 Comments

  1. hmmm.... What can I say Ubaid... God bless !!!

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  2. good luck with moving on...it requires great courage to accept and move forward...you've made your mind, its just a matter of sticking to that thought now. Maybe one day I'll follow you too.....

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  3. i dont know how your dealing with all of this in the midst of exams!
    that said....you can do it!! being ready to move on is the first step :D

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  4. dear ubee,

    today, when i read this i thought "ok, he's lost it 1s again" but by the end of the letter i was thinkin "my shona is finally gonna move on n b happy like he deserves to be." :]

    u know sweetheart, it really is very hard, we both know this. but im telling u, ill stay by ur side for as long as i can, yeah im not there with you.. but that doesn't mean i won't b there when u need me. physically i might b a thousand miles away, but everytime u need me, u know where to find me :]

    love isn't something we should regret, it isn't something we should let go of, but there is a point in life when one has to realize they have to move on and i guess that point has come in ur life rite now. After reading all this, i see that ur finally deciding to stay happy and u goin to let go of her. if u need anything at all, moral support, a shoulder to cry on lol, some to listen to what u have to say, remember i'll alwayz b there :]

    i should tell u that im happy for you and ill stay by ur side no matter what decisions u take. im proud of u cuz u have the courage to say all this n if i know u well i know that ur gonna do what u've said :] so good luck my sweets. go show the world what ur made of :P

    your,
    NimzZz

    p.s. ur a sweetheart :]
    p.p.s. thank u so much :] because of u, i've finally realized that i had to let go a long time ago, i jus kept stalling it. but now, i've decided that ill let go as well and jus keep the sweet memories :]

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  5. it was reli long and i dunno what else to say

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  6. there's not much to say when i dunno this angel girl

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  7. but what about you? r u ok?
    how old r u dude?

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  8. i already told you my age! :-)

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