Destroyed

8:06:00 AM

Destroying me, easy!
No, you can't destroy me...
Only me, my self and I can do that...

Destroying my existence,
Destroying my soul, one day at a time...

I guess my solidity has expired.
The walls around me have crashed upon me...

So I destroy...
Destroying my thoughts and losing my mind,
Destroying the words, which were always true to me,
Destroying my love, love for my life!
Destroying my memories, trying to figure out my self.

I try to hide my doubts,
Try to believe that nothing has happened...
But I have seen you cry,
A cry of despair hoping to convince yourself,
that reality is just fantasy, where angels fall to the ground.

I am not an angel,
I do wish I was a devil,
At least that would have justified my acts.

While you, still living on false hope;
believing that angels would help take away your pain...

Don't you know angels are like me now a days,
they like me on the way to a place called hell.
A home I wish not to claim,
A place I wish not to dwell;
Yet a place where I'd end up...

Not many understand my condition, the reason why I feel this way,
They probably don't care about my words, to listen to what I have to say.
They say they are hurt, which they are,
They say they are in pain, which they are,
But where do I go, they'll never understand...

My strength is gone, and my solidity has expired.
I have reached a darkness, beneath the surface,
Where everyone is called a liar...

The cause for this is none the less a loving hurt, which is broken,
To love no more is what I get and that's my deserving token.
To recieve no love, a satisfaction;
To suffer as badly as possible, my new desire,
To engrave this pain in me, my lust,
To remain in silence, my punishment...

You say you see me for who I am?
You really think I'll be okay?
You know me, and my past, which is something I choose not to hide.
You know how deep our wounds is,
Is healing an option now?

Pain is like a thousand tiny little splinters
Invisible-deep into the skin
Fool yourself it isn't there
Damn sure you'll never feel a thing!
But the scar they'll always remain;
And they would never let you or your partner forget your past...

I have stopped clicking, and would never click a shot again.
Living a life of utmost dismay, I'll stay alone and wander away,
into a sleep of eternity, with no one beside me, there I'll stay.
That is the happiness I choose for my self willingly...
To destroy everything I am; for love...


© Ubaid Ullah Ahmed

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