9:49:00 AM

I placed my lips on you,
Kissed your neck,
and inhaled,
Not feeling anything much...
The first sip is the one that burns the most.
It's like when you inhale,
it burns the throat,
After that, it's pretty much fine.
It becomes second nature.
It becomes a force habit.
I never understood why anyone smoked,
But as I inhaled, it felt heaven.
I stumbled, my feet didn't remain stable...
But a bliss; indeed!

Inhaled again...
Now, me...
Smelling like a cigarette,
the sweet fragrance which I never liked before.
Taking you (cigarette) in like a burning stick
of cancer, of pleasure...
and then open my mouth to let your taste
and I watch
as the smoke floats around me and my cigarette
culimating into a lasting kiss.

I don't know why I am getting addicted,
I don't know why I am inhaling,
I don't desire this,
But why are my desires changing?

I lit another one yesterday,
Slowly breathing in,
the toxic waste of my burdens;
--- Of my life, of myself

Hoping that a single piece of paper
Rolled up, compacted
Will cure all that ails me.

Am not depressed...
Am not miserable...
Am just;
in parralel lines

I cradle this darn thing,
in between my fingers
All the relief in the world
only knowing I need a miracle
to make things right...

For a moment I free my mind,
as I smoke,
Concentrating on the embers,
That are swalloing my comfort...

I need to stop,
I don't belong to this path...

But seriously
The night is harsh, in all its darkness
And my confusion and pain dwindles on the end of this cigarette
So, I take my last toxic breath

Watching the embers brighten and dull,
which I must say was never pleasureable for me...
But, as I smoke
I realize – life has its moments worth living for.
And hope in the sound of dying embers.

First Cigarette
8th July 2010

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