Forgive My Lack of Faith

8:03:00 PM

Darkness evades my focus
and I find myself wandering
along the broken edges of my thoughts,
clinging to the cracks
and clutching the concrete
but the rocks seem to cast me off

I am so low on faith, aaj perhnay ki raat hai and I have no interest... *sigh* I was even born on the same day (according to Islamic calender) yes on 27th of Ramadan I - Ubaid Ullah Ahmed was born... that reminds me, my dada abu used to wish me on this day when he was alive... Okay daduu I miss you now, even though I have been bad enough to not visit your grave for ages now per phir bhi you know that I love you naa... HAAn naa chalay gaa is baar, pleaaj naa...

Okay back to topic, I have no interest in Ramadan (does that make me a kaafir?) Daily I think not to keep a fast but then I end up keeping it, I have no interest in Eid, and my big plans is to collect the money and then go back to my room and spend my day alone with my brushes and paints even if I have to use the digital ones... *SIGHHHH* I didn't even bother getting my self new clothes... (is new clothes a must for eid?) Every time, I bring myself down- like I don't have a chance. Another word to say, more times for train of thought. Questions that aren't answered- Consciously coming to pass. Aware that I do in fact- Have little self esteem. Shattered to the ground,confidence barely touched- breaking in two. I keep my head down, as I walk on by- I seriously have no faith.

BLAAAH honaa thaa pyaar (yes am in love with atif's new song! Is that a problem with you?) thamay diloun ki baahein ham aatay saloun main, saaloun mai... at times I can be a love sick puppy, other times I just don't know what to do... All day long I kept on writing waiting to upload...

It is me.
And the dark.
In the dark.
Enfolded by the dark,
Ultimate full time darkness.

Aimlessly wandering
With no answers.
My lacking faith
In total blindness.
To illuminate solace
From dark solitude.

p.s. desperately in need of prayers

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